Path Of A Jedi

After going
out with my friends and watching other people, I have come up with more tips on
How
to Stay Single. The more I think of this topic, the more it seems that it is
harder to stay single. It seems that all the singles out there are having hard
time to STAY single. But don’t worry
because I have more strategies that can counter these difficulties. So here is
the second instalment of the ‘How to Stay Single’:

1. Never
   engage in a conversation with the other gender for too long. This will lead to
   unnecessary leak of information about yourself which will cause you to be
   attracted to the person that knows a lot about you. This is due to the fact
   that we LIKE other people that know us better. For example, you are more likely
   to like your friends better than a stranger that you just met. Especially avoid
   sentences like: “I think you look
   smart/cute,” or “I like your style”. Always be alert.
2.  Don’t listen to love songs. This will soften
   your heart and make you all soft and jelly-like. The music itself is a major
   contributor of recalling all the lovely memories of having a couple (for those
   that have not had a relationship yet, the songs can make you WANT to find a
   couple). The lyrics also make you fly in lovely thoughts and memories. It can
   also make feel that you MISS someone. Dangerous.
3. Always look at a person only once and not more
   than that. When you look at another person more than once, it gives out signals
   that you are interested in them. Have you ever been in that situation where you
   looked once, and the second time you look again the other person also turns to
   look at you? Well that is the early symptoms of a good relationship. So be
   careful, whenever you encounter such situations, quickly look somewhere else or
   make it look like you are going to sneeze. Nice.
4. Another factor that makes you single for a lot
   longer is NOT to remember names of the people you have met. For example, if you
   just met someone that seems to be
   interested in you, TRY to FORGET that person’s name. When you happen to meet
   him/her next time, try hard (or purposely try hard) to remember her name but
   make a bad job of it, so you end up asking her innocently, “Err. Name awak sape
   ek? Sori saye lupe la…” and that will bound to make him/her to lose hope in
   getting closer to you. IF, that is IF he/she is still trying hard to still LIKE
   you, then the next thing to do is to forget his/her name EACH TIME you meet.
   They are sure to hate you after that. But don’t worry, just put on an innocent
   face and you’ll be OK.
5. Don’t
   show or tell anyone that you are SINGLE. One of the secret strategies in the
   art of staying single is NOT to show that you’re single. Because, if you are
   known to other people that you are single, this will create chances for the
   opposite gender to try and win your heart. By being mysterious about your
   status, you will also create confusion to others. This helps you to stay single
   longer. So when some asks, “Takpe ke awak sembang ngan saye ni, makwe/pakwe
   awak tak marah ke??”, just answer: “Ape? Tak dengar la apa awak cakap tadi?” or
   you can change the subject like this: “Kucing awak sihat?”  But there is another way, and that is to use REVERSE-PSYCOLOGY. Here you tell
   everyone that you are single and this will make people think that you are just
   lying and assumes that you already have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Creepy, but it
   works.

That is it
for now, as there is more to come. Don’t worry for those that JUST became
single, there is a long road ahead of you. There is a saying that there are
plenty of fish in the sea. And for those that PREFERS to stay single, stay out
of the sea and swim in the swimming pool only. You’ll be safe in there.

Note: all the tips above were not tested on animals
and no animals were harmed during the writing of this blog. These are all
GUIDELINES. It is not safe to be tested without professional supervision and
consultation because it may harm you.

Since I’m not going to stop using the internet, might as well give some tips. So today I’ll start with How to stay single:

1. Don’t agree with what another person has to say. if you agree it will lead to SIMILARITIES and similarities leads to common. A person will likely to like someone that have things in common. Also, people in common get along easily. Dangerous when trying to stay single. Careful.
2. ALWAYS make silly jokes when talking to the person that you like. This will help you get out of uneasy question like "Takkan la orang macam awak single lagi.." and "So how is your girlfriend/boyfriend?". When you constantly make silly jokes, the other person will eventually never take you seriously and even when you say that you liked him/her they will just laugh at what was just said. Cool.
3. Don’t reply your messages/SMS frequently or quickly. One of the dangers in staying single is being drawn to the lull of words in messages. A person usually starts a relationship through messages. It is like a stepping stone in going towards a liking to one another. Ugh. The consequences in replying quickly/frequently is a chronic numbness or fatal lagging in response towards their surroundings. Have you ever talked with someone that is sending an SMS to his/her lover? Its like talking with a dried squid. After you asked a question, only after 30 seconds that person will respond: "Ko tanye apa tadi?". Scary.
4. Last one for now is ‘keep yourself preoccupied’. when you constantly think of something else, automatically you are further away from the evil deeds of falling in love. also, when you are busy, you don’t have the time to reply any messages sent to you, thus discouraging any more advancement in relationship with somebody else. This also helps you when being asked: "Why didn’t you reply my message?", then you an answer easily: "Sori, aritu busy sangat.". Easy. Right?

So these four tips can guide anyone who plans on staying single for a year, or maybe even two years. in fact these tips can also be applied if you want to be single for the rest of your life. It all depends on the level of determination. Good luck!

Well some things happen for a reason. And the reason I was on the bus for 12 hours (supposed to be 6 hours) was not my fault. It’s the gear of the bus that is at fault. I am left with a sore leg (both actually) and a VERY tired body to be precise. Now back to the saying that some things happens for a reason. Well what I discovered during my torment was that I had time to reflect upon myself of things that I never had the time to think before. Like my life and how I treat other people. I realized that I am the cause of all the relationship and how my relations with other people are. Also with the help of some quite helpful SMS I realized that being busy makes other people bored of the person who is busy. And also during the boring hours, I managed to make a call to an old friend. I kind of tried not to contact her ever since she became someone else’s girlfriend. But that time I was bored to near death. So I started with an SMS that was bound to make any girl sad. It says “you’re fat”. And there was immediate reply…. So after that I called her. What was important in the conversation is that even though she IS someone else’s girlfriend, she is still my friend. So I don’t really have to keep the distance that I have been keeping all this while.. Also another thing that I realized during the long trip was that I could last a long time without food….and water. That just shows that I’m ready for the fasting season….hehe partly because of the early preparation of buying the Baju Raya ALREADY…how cool is that? Can’t wait. Another thing to take note is to GO and CHECK the bus that you want to go home with. Make sure it can take you home safely and comfortably. And one more thing. Jangan lupe bace doa kenderaan.
I learnt something new during the holidays. McDonalds in Japan is pronounced as
マクドノロ(makudonoro). Nice…..
I discovered another thing. A Burger King Whopper burger is 15cm in diameter…try it for yourself.