Path Of A Jedi

After going
out with my friends and watching other people, I have come up with more tips on
How
to Stay Single. The more I think of this topic, the more it seems that it is
harder to stay single. It seems that all the singles out there are having hard
time to STAY single. But don’t worry
because I have more strategies that can counter these difficulties. So here is
the second instalment of the ‘How to Stay Single’:

1. Never
   engage in a conversation with the other gender for too long. This will lead to
   unnecessary leak of information about yourself which will cause you to be
   attracted to the person that knows a lot about you. This is due to the fact
   that we LIKE other people that know us better. For example, you are more likely
   to like your friends better than a stranger that you just met. Especially avoid
   sentences like: “I think you look
   smart/cute,” or “I like your style”. Always be alert.
2.  Don’t listen to love songs. This will soften
   your heart and make you all soft and jelly-like. The music itself is a major
   contributor of recalling all the lovely memories of having a couple (for those
   that have not had a relationship yet, the songs can make you WANT to find a
   couple). The lyrics also make you fly in lovely thoughts and memories. It can
   also make feel that you MISS someone. Dangerous.
3. Always look at a person only once and not more
   than that. When you look at another person more than once, it gives out signals
   that you are interested in them. Have you ever been in that situation where you
   looked once, and the second time you look again the other person also turns to
   look at you? Well that is the early symptoms of a good relationship. So be
   careful, whenever you encounter such situations, quickly look somewhere else or
   make it look like you are going to sneeze. Nice.
4. Another factor that makes you single for a lot
   longer is NOT to remember names of the people you have met. For example, if you
   just met someone that seems to be
   interested in you, TRY to FORGET that person’s name. When you happen to meet
   him/her next time, try hard (or purposely try hard) to remember her name but
   make a bad job of it, so you end up asking her innocently, “Err. Name awak sape
   ek? Sori saye lupe la…” and that will bound to make him/her to lose hope in
   getting closer to you. IF, that is IF he/she is still trying hard to still LIKE
   you, then the next thing to do is to forget his/her name EACH TIME you meet.
   They are sure to hate you after that. But don’t worry, just put on an innocent
   face and you’ll be OK.
5. Don’t
   show or tell anyone that you are SINGLE. One of the secret strategies in the
   art of staying single is NOT to show that you’re single. Because, if you are
   known to other people that you are single, this will create chances for the
   opposite gender to try and win your heart. By being mysterious about your
   status, you will also create confusion to others. This helps you to stay single
   longer. So when some asks, “Takpe ke awak sembang ngan saye ni, makwe/pakwe
   awak tak marah ke??”, just answer: “Ape? Tak dengar la apa awak cakap tadi?” or
   you can change the subject like this: “Kucing awak sihat?”  But there is another way, and that is to use REVERSE-PSYCOLOGY. Here you tell
   everyone that you are single and this will make people think that you are just
   lying and assumes that you already have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Creepy, but it
   works.

That is it
for now, as there is more to come. Don’t worry for those that JUST became
single, there is a long road ahead of you. There is a saying that there are
plenty of fish in the sea. And for those that PREFERS to stay single, stay out
of the sea and swim in the swimming pool only. You’ll be safe in there.

Note: all the tips above were not tested on animals
and no animals were harmed during the writing of this blog. These are all
GUIDELINES. It is not safe to be tested without professional supervision and
consultation because it may harm you.

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